The Long Road

This is the third month of my job search and I'm hoping things are more upbeat. I don't think I can take my husband's upheaval over my resignation much longer. It's been a soul searching introspective time for me that I otherwise would not have alloted for. I don't regret leaving other job but I do wish I realized an economic crisis was just around the bend. Perhaps I would have thought differently. Too late now. Need to make the most of it. Happened for a reason I believe. Would like to get into something that I'm more passionate about. Art, baking, writing, animals, antiques... I've written some poetry that I feel pretty good about and received positive feedback on. Making more connections in the writing/publishing field so that could perhaps open a door a bit. Meditation almost daily too. Helps to get in touch with my desires and needs more. Relaxes and provides clarity.

Have stopped the insanity of my texting. I think. It's been about a week and a half and that's progress for me. There is a void though and I'm hoping something positive will fill it. There's a yearning and a sadness in me. I know I kept texting as a way of staying connected. I feared breaking that link and that if were not for my constant persistance, it would have been broken and dissolved two months back. Selfishly, I wanted it in tact. I do feel as though it has been, for the most part, an uphill battle, and I feel very sad about that. From day one of our first encounter, I felt we had been together before. In a past life perhaps. Another topic for another day. But any way, with this feeling in mind, I had to dig deeper and see what potential there would perhaps be for us. Well, there was alot of frustration and feelings of dismay and being let down. I think I really was a gluten for punishment for four months. I kept going back for more. What on earth for, my friends would say to me, thinking I was losing my mind for sure.

And actually I think maybe I was. And maybe that is essentially the reason for my abrupt and untimely departure from my last job post. But, fortunately I am a fatalist and that gets me through these times of insanity and worry. I had been there doing primarily the same job function for six years. Yes, there were a few challenges thrown in, and yes I loved my co-workers, but things were getting stale and I had a big blowout with my boss. That was the icing on the cake that ultimately made my decision for me. My co-workers were, to say the least, blown away by this decision.

Supposedly I over-reacted, had to apologize, couldn't possibly leave, and leave them there, threats of one hurting me as she was so angry by my decision. So on and so forth. But things simmered down and I held my cool for three weeks until the final Friday. I went out with a bang so to speak as a bunch of us went to a local bar down the street and had a really nice time. And I must stay in touch with them because that truly was my link to some of my closest friends and confidants ever!! They swore I wouldn't so I need to prove them wrong. Contrary to my typical M.O.

OK enough of my babbling for now. Better run and check e-mails and the usual steps in my daily routine of hopefulness in getting a job sooner than later.

So long for now.